20. Bloodlines

A dear friend of mine recently lost his beautiful mother. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the funeral. I wish I could have been there for him, as he has been there for me on my journey.

But my friend unexpectedly generously shared with me his moving eulogy to his mother, which brought me to tears. It got me thinking about my parents and brothers, and what they mean to me.

It is a well worn saying that 'you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family'. And many of us, on at least one occasion in our life, have probably asked ourselves 'how did I end up with this family!'

With what her mother and father are presently going through, my poor daughter Siena must often wonder 'how did I bloody end up with these two parents a few slices short of a full loaf!' I do feel for her, just quietly, but don't tell her I told you that.

Growing up, I know the above thought amusingly, and yes, seriously, crossed my mind on occasions when it came to my own parents and brothers. I was not sure whether I was the 'alien' in the family, or they were! Being the middle 'problem child' of the family, I suppose the 'alien' was more me than them.

My family is typical of 99% of families - dysfunctional! All families have their neurotic tendencies, and my family is no different...okay, maybe a little more neurotic than the norm! (LOL)

But seriously, when you wash away the debris of the dysfunctionalism, in hindsight, I am blessed to have been born into my family, including my extended families of cousins.

My childhood years helped shape my political views, particularly listening to my father, uncles, and cousins passionately discuss the issues of the day. Those days also taught me the value of money, the importance of family, and the significance of community in supporting one another to fulfil our personal and societal goals.

It also taught me about taking initiative and ownership in my personal and working life, to be fearless in expressing an opinion, about 'the fair go', about not taking things for granted, about treating people the same regardless of cultural, social, and economic background, and in ensuring people less advantaged are not left behind.

Reflecting, there always seemed to be any excuse to have a home party with my grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. We were living and breathing Italian culture, with authentic homemade Italian food, sweets which included alcohol, and live Italian music, with guitars, piano accordian, and spoons and forks improvised as musical instruments.

Thankfully, my uncles were ahead of their time, and recorded many of these memories on a 8mm camera, for current and future family generations to treasure.

That strong sense of family connectiveness to our Italian heritage has diminished over the years, as we have integrated firmly into the Australian way of life, and with many of our parents moving on to the next world. But it exposed me, my brothers, and cousins to the beauty of what other cultures have to offer, and we have benefited from the best of both the Australian and Italian ways of life.

My older brother has always been the more laid back one, while my younger brother, the rebel 'Rocky Balboa' of the family, who would proceed to punch anything in site, and on one occasion chased me down the road with a kitchen knife in hand (LOL). I think I was the more sensitive one, more of a diplomat, and trying to resolve family disputes, mostly unsuccessfully.

While it has never always been smooth sailing with my brothers over the years, I love and am proud in who they are as people and in their working life. They are truly an inspiration - particularly as loving husbands, fathers, who demonstrate love, affection and adoration toward their amazing and beautiful children, and toward me as caring brothers.

I cannot end without saying something about my parents. I never really saw eye to eye with my parents on many levels. But what kids truly do? This is part of life's rites of passage.

Although I wish I expressed my gratitude more often in the past, I am grateful of the headstart my father and mother gave me in life, including in expressing love in their own unique way, in indirectly helping in the development of my core principles and values of life, of putting me through university, of their financial support, in my father building beautiful bookcases and other furniture which to this day I still admire, in their being unamusingly accepting of my wearing of earrings in both ears in the 1980s and early 1990s, and basically accepting my black sheep 'weirdness'.

Going back to the old adage about choosing your friends and not your family, I believe you do choose your family (and extended families and friends) before you enter this world. And I am so happy and blessed I did. In their special way, each and every one have fully enriched my life. I would not have had my life any other way.