15. Being God

My relationship with "God" has been a 'love / hate' one over the years.

This relationship has evolved over the years. For a considerable period, my relationship was one predominantly based on fear, guilt, and punishment. During a further phase, it was also one based on anger, resentment, and rejection.

Today, my relationship with my God is one more based, but still with vulnerabilities, on acceptance, forgiveness, compassion, fulfilling potential, and of love.

I was baptised and raised a Catholic. I guess you can understand why fear, guilt, and punishment dominated my thought processes, particularly in the early 'wonder years' of life. It is indoctrinated in one's subconscious at a young age, when one is the most malleable and corruptible to influence.

Every mistake, every sin committed, is tallied up and your fate between heaven and hell determined on 'Judgement Day'. Based on this criteria, my prognosis in reaching the promised land is a poor one! :)

It can take a lifetime to set yourself free from these maladjusted influences and misperceptions about this invisible force watching your every step, known as God.

In time, and it has been a l o n g time, I have come to understand we are more than a particular religion. I believe man has reduced religions to such an extent that we have become more disconnected distant from the true voice of God. As Carl Jung once noted, religion can actually be a hindrance to experiencing God.

The Bible, and other religious texts, are extraordinary. But I believe one of the downfalls for humankind when it comes to religious texts is in its interpretation of the texts as prose rather than of symbolic metaphorical poetry.

As a result, because of its literal reading, multiple layers of truths, meanings, and wisdoms is overlooked or misunderstood within its beautiful stories or parables.

Jesus Christ's resurrection is a case in point. I view Jesus's resurrection not so much of one of physical resurrection, but of an internal transformational one - a resurrection of spirit, in becoming one with source, with God.

I believe in Jesus, but as a great prophet who understood the timeless universal principles of life – to love unconditionally without judgement, to live with compassion and gratitude, to give without expectation, to accept all people, and forgive others but most importantly, of one's self.

I have a great respect for the institution of 'Church', but it must find its spirit again, and teach in the language of unconditional love that resonate with all people craving for its guidance.

While I do not regularly attend Church, I carry the concept of Church within me, based on the universal principles of life I expressed above. When we reconnect with these gifts from spirit, we become empowered to make choices from a place of strength and wisdom, instead of fear.

One of my greatest pleasures of recent times is in experiencing beautiful and uplifting prayers at home with wondrous friends. The power of people praying in unison is spirit in action, and leaves you feeling grateful, fearless, and euphoric with love's pureness.

In being diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease, for a period I felt I was being punished by "God" for 'sins' of the past, and that I was undeserving, unworthy of life.

Today, I don't believe my "God" caused my disease. I believe that overtime, when we become disconnected with the source of life, and do not flow with life, we become 'dis-eased'.

I now know we are all a gift of pure love. We are perfect just the way we are. We are worthy and deserving of life because we are here. We just need to unlearn most things we've been taught since our birth, to strip away our false masks, accept and love ourselves, forgive ourselves, and live life fearlessly, with joy and laughter.

And I now realise we do not have to physically die to go to heaven, whatever your definition of heaven. Heaven is a state of Being rather than some place we must aspire to at the illusionary end of our lives.

If we choose to, we can make earth our heaven, and not just know God, but realise we are already one with God, here on earth.