6. A Blessing In Disguise!
Life is all about perspective. Do you look at things as 'glass half full' or glass half empty'? We all have the freedom to choose how we respond to life's events. In time, I have chosen to also reflect on my situation in terms of what blessings I have, have arrived, or been revealed to me, since my diagnosis.
But how could someone find any blessing in a disease considered terminal, and with an average life expectancy of less than 3 years? Well, surprisingly I can come up with a few blessings!
Blessing 1: I am following my passion in writing on social, economic and political issues, and expressing my opinions and ideas on how we can make our society a more prosperous and compassionate one.
Blessing 2: Organising the Newcastle Italian Film Festival continues to be an absolute joy. While these days I am unable to do everything I desire, I am thankful that with the support of my festival partner I have found ways in which I can still make a valuable contribution.
Blessing 3: No matter your situation, you can overcome the illusion of obstacles. My situation has helped me arrive to the realisation that despite my perceived limitations, I can overcome them and still find ways to make a valuable contribution to my family, community, and life generally.
Blessing 4: I am overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that exists for Anna, Siena and I. This love and support has come from Facebook friends, past school and work friends, and many I have reconnected with, our family of treasured friends who have been our bedrock, our wonderful 'new' friends who have entered our life and enriched it, and from immediate and extended families where bonds have strengthened. I did not appreciate the extent of love towards myself and my family, and in which I am eternally grateful. Thank you.
Blessing 5: I look forward to being home in the morning to wish Siena well for the school day ahead, and enjoy the one syllable grunts when I ask how her school day was. For me, where once I took this for granted or missed these precious moments because of work, today this daily ritual is priceless.
Blessing 6: I savour my moments with Anna and Siena, even if those moments are in silence, or if we are watching a movie together, or Siena is showing a U-tube clip which she thinks is hilarious but more amusingly to Anna and I raises more concerns about Siena's state of mind than anything!
Blessing 7: I am grateful for the wonderful carers who attend to my daily needs, and alleviates the pressure off Anna and Siena, and helps us to live as normal a life as is reasonably possible under the circumstances.
Blessing 8: Where once I could take or leave food, in recent years I have discovered an unbounded love and passion for it. While these days I am unable to eat most foods, I am grateful for finally understanding and appreciating one of the great joys and seductions of life.
Yes, I have lost considerably in a physical sense. But I have also gained greater clarity on more profound levels. I know myself better, I am more comfortable within my skin, and I am much more stronger than what I thought I was.
This does not mean I won't experience moments of heartache, in which I want to curl up in a foetal position. This is a natural part of human nature. But I now have a 'knowing' that we are timeless magical stardust imbued with a godly lifeforce for which is never-ending.
There is a quote by T.S Elliot in 'Four Quartets' which encapsulates my journey since my diagnosis of Motor Neurone Disease on 22 December 2011:
“With the drawing of this Love
and the voice of the calling
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time…”
While my journey since 22 December 2011 has been a difficult one, it has also been an awakening and liberating one, and which has helped me to better understand and know my life “…for the first time…”
And this to me, is my greatest blessing in disguise.
